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That’s it. I’ve had it! If I hear one more man complain about women and PMS I think I’m going to SCREAM! I mean really. Who the hell do they think they are anyway? Disagree with them? Must be PMS. Point out that they made a mistake? Must be PMS. Don’t want to hit the sack for an afternoon quickie? Must be P-M-friggin-S! GRRRRR!
I’m convinced — the vast majority of men wouldn’t recognize a woman with PMS if she bit him on the ass. Heck, they don’t even realize their own little condition:
DAS — Daily Asshole Syndrome
Ooooh yeah. You know it’s true. Sure, some women go through monthly mood swings. Let’s call it our little monthly vacation from having to bottle up how we really feel all the time. And given that we put up with men and their DAS every single day, I say we deserve the friggin’ break!
What is DAS? Think of it as PMS on a daily cycle. Men are up. Then they’re down. Then they’re horny. Then they’re hungry. Then they’re happy. Then they’re pissy. Then as soon as we ask them to do something for us they’re too tired and want to be left alone. They can go through the entire cycle in a single hour and start all over again.
Oh man, do they have some crazy mood swings or what? And there are relatively universal swings too. Here’s one of my favorites (which I’ve seen in one of my brothers, and at least two different exes):
The guy’s pissed off. The reason doesn’t matter, because there usually isn’t a very good one. The fact that the clock just struck 3:00pm would be as valid a reason as any. He’s a complete grouch. He takes it out on the nearest woman, either losing his temper and shouting, insulting her, bitching constantly about something, or just flat out ignoring her at the most inappropriate time.
He gets called out for his prissy little fit. He immediately realizes that the person calling him out (which can’t be the woman he’s being an ass towards) is right. A grin overcomes the smug look on his face. You know the one — the guilty little “yeah, I know I’m a jerk but you have to love me anyway so just forgive me and I promise it won’t ever happen again” grin. But of course, it happens again. And again. And again.
Yes folks, that’s one of my favorite little examples of DAS. I’m sure you can think of more.
PMS Isn’t a Problem, It’s a Privilege
Not all women get bitchy when they have PMS. Some are just hypersensitive emotionally (*raises hand*). Others are simply miserable because they’re in pain — hey men, how often do you feel like internal organs are trying to escape your body? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Until you’ve felt what your woman is feeling, shut the hell up about her having PMS. She might be one of those unlucky ones with extreme cramps, and if they’re not hitting her yet she knows they’re coming. You’ve been warned. I take no responsibility if she decides to relieve you of your manhood for opening your mouth at the wrong time.
When women go through these emotional and / or physical changes, we don’t have the luxury of knowing we can change how we feel on a whim like you lucky little bastards can. So if we’re a bit out of sorts for a few days, deal with it! We’ve earned it solely for putting up with you all month!
And on that note, I think it’s time for a Midol and a nap.
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Hi JM,
Actually men (as well as women) excuse women for their unpleasant behaviour by citing PMS as a reason. It may or may not be true, but it gives those women some leeway to exhibit some frustration publicly, whilst at the same time, not impacting others around them too much.
Now you are saying that men cannot use that excuse. Whilst I do agree that men/women cannot use that excuse for everything that a women says and does, but I doubt it is so common for only men to do it generally. It is possible that it may be so in your current group of friends or collegues, but certainly men (on the whole) do not use this PMS excuse all the time.
You may come across some men (who apparantly have bad behaviour themselves) who tend to use the PMS axcuse to provoke women even during normal conversation. I believe you are quite upset about these men and your article is perhaps directed at them specifically.
Unfortuately, you have failed to highlight that you are targetting at these specific group of men. It is very hard to get your message from the article. Instead it openly provokes the negative feeling towards men.
Especially your words like "lucky little bastards" and "relieve you of your manhood" are all very disrespectful and offensive.
I sincerely request you to consider writing more clearer and respectful articles which do not give readers a negative feeling and instead educate them so that they end your page with a positive feeling. Writing is afterall a skill which needs to be mastered over time. I hope you will become a better writer over time who will inspire your readers through your articles instead of provoking them like this article has done.
I wish you all the best.
Cheers!
John
Calling men "lucky little bastards" and threatening them by saying that you would "relieive you of your manhood" are not funny.
If you wanted to write a humorous article, you have definetely failed in this attempt. Please try again.
Please re-read the comments. If you failed to see the satire of the article, I'm sorry for that. As I noted before, this is the style of article that I was hired to write. I don't believe putting it on a health blog as opposed to the more humorous blog here was the best fit, but that was not my choice. But getting worked up and taking it seriously isn't something I'm going to waste my time addressing -- again.
Hey,
I am amused to see this article. At the same time, I would say bravo, I too totally agree with you all. I share the same feeling.
Men have DAS!
It's funny how the men are getting all mad because this article is on point (and funny-ha-ha). Men are given a pass to act like buttholes for weeks on end and people expect and accept that behavior as them simply being "agressive", "manly"or "assertive" (both with positive connotations) while women are simply *itches and causing misery and war with their PMS.
Yeh yeh and 9 months of pregnancy is an inconvenience too. Suck it up. Guys get pms too. We just don't whine about it.
If a woman can contain mean outburts caused by pms during the beginning of a relationship, then let it out once she's comfortable with him, wouldn't this prove she would be wrong to be mean to him when he was a stranger, and she is wrong to be mean to him just because she knows him better. At the beginning of that relationship the guy stereotypically would hit the punching bag at the gym with family issues or work issues. He would be more upfront and communicate his issues and problems as he got to know her better and she would reciprocate with her day. Some men can write, draw, paint there emotions as well. If a woman holds back at the start of a relationship then uses the guy as her punching bag, how is that justified just because he can't walk out like on a first date?
Nice piece of sarcastic/cynical humor, but this subject can be very serious for young couples who are deeply in love if the woman truly suffers from PMS. I can say this because my wife of 32 years suffers from PMS. For the first ten years there was a steady feud between us for two weeks every month ........... then bliss for the remainder of the month. If we weren't as close/compatible as we are would we have stuck together? I can't really answer that can I? Because I have no way of knowing how a theoretical situation would have played.
But who knows? My wife continually states that she has never met a man as understanding or patient as I am, meaning that she believes the answer is yes. But do you think she might be biased? Of course she is. We love each other very much, so there isn't a chance we would not have stuck together. But the tension would dissolve most relationships. PMS is a serious condition which deserves much more research than it receives. On the second day of her period, my wife undergoes a very severe fainting and hot flash episode that will drop her to the floor in a pool of sweat if nobody is there to catch her, and help her to a seat. Every month! What does the doctors have to say about this? Take more vitamin B12! They obviously don't take her seriously, do they? It's not safe for her to take more than she already does. It seems to me that the medical community would get their act together and try to resolve the PMS issue.
Wow, the amount of people who can't take a joke is ridiculous.
In any case, I loved this article, it was funny and well-writte
Could you tell me the jokes? I missed em.
Wow! I started my cycle today & have emotional (more sensitive) swings! I feel bad for my fiance & tell him that all the time. He admits he can be a selfish person at times, but says he couldn't begin to understand what we as women go thru! For his understanding & truth on the matter, I become calmer & feel better about our differences. I feel that the fact that he can never relate to what I go thru frustrating & I find most fights are because I am trying to make him understand something he admits he never will! So when he acknowledges this, it helps me appreciate my situation!
Now, this is my story & every man & woman are different obviously, but I loved reading this article & my fiance would get a kick out of it to! We are both open & understanding people, but we have are moments & days where we feel/act like this article states! I love the irony of this whole discussion! The men who commented on here sound to me like the ones whom you wrote about & I find it hilarious that your freedom of speech is causing them to PMS as well! If they are not like the men you are refering to, then why get so offended & belittle themselves by lashing out! The name calling and telling you to "shut the hell up" is obviously an anger problem! Some women try to handle their symptom in a rational manner & talk about what is going on, but it takes a man to listen and be open for her to do that! If not then it gets blamed on PMS-ing & being "bitchy"..... not the real problem: communication & understaning for a loved one, which is what some of these men obviously cannot comprehend! Oh & sports injuries & pain are from a recreational activity.... Women don't score any goals/points to get our reacurring pain, but nice try!
Anyway, thank you JM! I loved your article, it made my day a little brighter!
I'm not sure how one is supposed to tell that this is a satire. There's not really an indication as far as i can tell.
In my opinion every couple needs to read The PMS (Please Make Sense) Guide for Men by Stefan Jaskiel. It made my wife and I understand each other and why we behave the way we do. It gave us both great advice for dealing with my wife's PMS. It was an easy read and written by a real couple.
Thanks a bunch Carl,
I looked it up & sounds like a great book, can't wait to read it!