Credit: BigStockPhoto.com
That’s it. I’ve had it! If I hear one more man complain about women and PMS I think I’m going to SCREAM! I mean really. Who the hell do they think they are anyway? Disagree with them? Must be PMS. Point out that they made a mistake? Must be PMS. Don’t want to hit the sack for an afternoon quickie? Must be P-M-friggin-S! GRRRRR!
I’m convinced — the vast majority of men wouldn’t recognize a woman with PMS if she bit him on the ass. Heck, they don’t even realize their own little condition:
DAS — Daily Asshole Syndrome
Ooooh yeah. You know it’s true. Sure, some women go through monthly mood swings. Let’s call it our little monthly vacation from having to bottle up how we really feel all the time. And given that we put up with men and their DAS every single day, I say we deserve the friggin’ break!
What is DAS? Think of it as PMS on a daily cycle. Men are up. Then they’re down. Then they’re horny. Then they’re hungry. Then they’re happy. Then they’re pissy. Then as soon as we ask them to do something for us they’re too tired and want to be left alone. They can go through the entire cycle in a single hour and start all over again.
Oh man, do they have some crazy mood swings or what? And there are relatively universal swings too. Here’s one of my favorites (which I’ve seen in one of my brothers, and at least two different exes):
The guy’s pissed off. The reason doesn’t matter, because there usually isn’t a very good one. The fact that the clock just struck 3:00pm would be as valid a reason as any. He’s a complete grouch. He takes it out on the nearest woman, either losing his temper and shouting, insulting her, bitching constantly about something, or just flat out ignoring her at the most inappropriate time.
He gets called out for his prissy little fit. He immediately realizes that the person calling him out (which can’t be the woman he’s being an ass towards) is right. A grin overcomes the smug look on his face. You know the one — the guilty little “yeah, I know I’m a jerk but you have to love me anyway so just forgive me and I promise it won’t ever happen again” grin. But of course, it happens again. And again. And again.
Yes folks, that’s one of my favorite little examples of DAS. I’m sure you can think of more.
PMS Isn’t a Problem, It’s a Privilege
Not all women get bitchy when they have PMS. Some are just hypersensitive emotionally (*raises hand*). Others are simply miserable because they’re in pain — hey men, how often do you feel like internal organs are trying to escape your body? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Until you’ve felt what your woman is feeling, shut the hell up about her having PMS. She might be one of those unlucky ones with extreme cramps, and if they’re not hitting her yet she knows they’re coming. You’ve been warned. I take no responsibility if she decides to relieve you of your manhood for opening your mouth at the wrong time.
When women go through these emotional and / or physical changes, we don’t have the luxury of knowing we can change how we feel on a whim like you lucky little bastards can. So if we’re a bit out of sorts for a few days, deal with it! We’ve earned it solely for putting up with you all month!
And on that note, I think it’s time for a Midol and a nap.
View Comments
Folks, try this:
Read, then comprehend.
I did not say I wrote this while going through PMS. I'm also anything but a feminist. In fact, if you review the comments you'll find that your opinion of me is based on false perceptions because you missed the satire. But here's the comment again, just to clear up those misconceptions:
"this post want meant to be a humorous look at the issue from an extreme perspective"
Then again, knowing some readers wouldn't get it, and would fly off the handle on their own emotional rants (hmmmm) is precisely why I wrote this. I love irony.
So if the women is in pain or knows she will be in pain then that gives her not so much a right, but a wider privilege to be moody and short tempered?
So following this logic I...a man...who will play a contact sport on the weekend will have the same wider privileges to be an asshole just because i know i will be in pain?
What about people who suffer chronic back pain? or people with debilitating injuries?
O and saying that in general men have cycles of emotions and wild mood swings just like or worse than women is actually pretty humorous. It is not a socially accepted norm that men have these cycles. TV sub-cultures do not endorse this view or men, however they do of women (sex and the city).
Um, when their physical pain is constant for days and accompanied by hormonal fluctuations that affect the emotional as well as physical state, sure, those athletes can be as much of an asshole as they'd like. Then again, who's to say they're not already (since you want to play devil's advocate and all)?
No one said women have a "right" to be bitchy. In fact, this entire article was taking a lighter look at that situation, the fact that you can't read beyond the literal aside.
And newsflash, anecdotal evidence is far from worthless (not that this article was in any way, shape, or form intended as some kind of medical diagnosis), and it's rather laughable that you'd say TV sub-culture endorsements have any value at all when you're claiming a lack of facts. But that's ok. Unlike some folks here I do have a sense of humor, so I'll take that as the joke it must have been.
This is what you get when a magazine/newspaper writer meets an asshole who breaks her heart. She see's it as her responsibilty to share her views and opinion with the world which is fine, but the fact that you make all men appear to be jerks who treat women with no respect and bask in their egotistical glow drives me crazy. You are a talented writer and I enjoyed reading this piece, but the attitude you took infuriates me because everyday nice guys like me try to show women the most utmost respect, not because we have to but because we want to. And then you come along and encourage every girl to raise their barriers to shield themselves. Please don't take such a general look at life, it makes em sick.
Joe
Joe,
I'm sorry you feel that way, but it sounds like you missed the point of the article. I'll say this for the last time -- this was not a serious piece, it was satire.
It does not reflect any real outlook. It's an intentional exaggeration, demonstrating an extreme example of a PMS lash-out. Personally, I don't get pissy when I have PMS, and I'm probably one of the most understanding women alive when it comes to putting up with men (and going out of my way to not be too difficult to put up with myself). In reality, this post was more critical of women who allow themselves to overreact than actually being critical of men.
This post in no way tells women to shield themselves, and believe me, we do notice and appreciate the "nice guys" of the world (I know more than a few of them myself). So keep doing what you're doing. It's not in vain. I appreciate your fairer assessment than most, and am glad you liked the writing even if the intent was lost somewhere in the process. (Looking back, I wouldn't have chosen a health blog for this post, but it wasn't my call as to which DirJournal blog it was posted to -- in the future, I'll suggest to the owner that we keep any satirical posts out of this section, as the subject matter clearly doesn't suit the audience). Thanks for your thoughts. And now, I'm going to put the writer cap away and get back to my vacation and being my (perhaps surprisingly) mellow self.
Why don't you just admit it. You're just a natural bi*ch. Are you even sure, you are not in PMS all the time?
LoL... How about the fact that us men have to continue treating you like princesses the rest of your lives? WE have to make sure YOU don't fall into the toilet when you have to go pee. WE have to open your jar of pickles when YOU feel like having a sandwich. YOU want equality in the work place, but WE have to lift the heavy boxes, right?
Let's make a deal. As soon as you can put your own toilet seat down, open your own jar of pickles, and lift heavy boxes at work, then I'll back off with my comments. Deal?
LoL ;), nicely written by the way.
AC
Putting the seat down is common courtesy, and I did not realize that opening a jar was such an arduous job. Honestly, if a man really loves a woman, he won't mind doing little things like that for them anyway.
Haha, jar of pickles? Seriously? Even my dad couldn't open it while I did. And toilet seats are there for a reason. Even though I couldn't care less (I refuse to sit on something that was peed on by others), what's so hard about just flicking the seat down after you're done (and vice versa)? And the lifting heavy boxes thing, gosh. Don't complain after refusing help from females (when they're capable) because of manly pride. I'm probably stereotyping by saying that, but so are you. But just wanted to point out that not all females are like that. And I know that all men aren't like what this article describes them as; it was just meant to be funny. And I'm guessing that was also the point of your comment, lol. To the males out there who think that this makes them look like jerks, that is so not true. There are males out there like this, but if a female thinks that all males are jerks by reading this, then they're just stupid or probably got their heart broken or something.
Anyways, love this article. It made me laugh. I am actually on my period right now, and the only difference it seems to make for me is that I don't give a damn what others think, so I say whatever is on my mind and don't care if I sound bitchy. Maybe that's the usual for guys, since it's scientifically proven that women tend to be more sensitive to other people's feelings. Lol, I guess that goes away when a girl is on her period. :)
Woah, my comment is so late. O.o
Shut up, get back in the kitchen and make me a samich.
Yes, I must just be a natural bitch. After all, I'm the one overracting b/c I'm too ignorant to read in context. Silly me.
And yes, deal. I've always done the heavy lifting. I've studied engineering for years. I can fix a car better than most men I know. When something has to be fixed, I fix it. When something needs to be built, I build it. When I need a solution for something I create one. When something needs to be done, I do it. I don't rely on men or anyone else to do it for me. But hey, score one for you anyway since you'll likely twist my words to suit your own purpose rather than having anything valid to say anyway, right?
You did understand that the article was a joke? As was my comment. You sound very bitter there darling. It's good that you rely on yourself. But you need to forgive and forget what ever guy or guys have damaged you. If it's society in general, I understand that too. But letting them get you to this point only allows them to win. Remain independent, rise above, but allow yourself to be at peace with yourself. ;)