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That’s it. I’ve had it! If I hear one more man complain about women and PMS I think I’m going to SCREAM! I mean really. Who the hell do they think they are anyway? Disagree with them? Must be PMS. Point out that they made a mistake? Must be PMS. Don’t want to hit the sack for an afternoon quickie? Must be P-M-friggin-S! GRRRRR!
I’m convinced — the vast majority of men wouldn’t recognize a woman with PMS if she bit him on the ass. Heck, they don’t even realize their own little condition:
DAS — Daily Asshole Syndrome
Ooooh yeah. You know it’s true. Sure, some women go through monthly mood swings. Let’s call it our little monthly vacation from having to bottle up how we really feel all the time. And given that we put up with men and their DAS every single day, I say we deserve the friggin’ break!
What is DAS? Think of it as PMS on a daily cycle. Men are up. Then they’re down. Then they’re horny. Then they’re hungry. Then they’re happy. Then they’re pissy. Then as soon as we ask them to do something for us they’re too tired and want to be left alone. They can go through the entire cycle in a single hour and start all over again.
Oh man, do they have some crazy mood swings or what? And there are relatively universal swings too. Here’s one of my favorites (which I’ve seen in one of my brothers, and at least two different exes):
The guy’s pissed off. The reason doesn’t matter, because there usually isn’t a very good one. The fact that the clock just struck 3:00pm would be as valid a reason as any. He’s a complete grouch. He takes it out on the nearest woman, either losing his temper and shouting, insulting her, bitching constantly about something, or just flat out ignoring her at the most inappropriate time.
He gets called out for his prissy little fit. He immediately realizes that the person calling him out (which can’t be the woman he’s being an ass towards) is right. A grin overcomes the smug look on his face. You know the one — the guilty little “yeah, I know I’m a jerk but you have to love me anyway so just forgive me and I promise it won’t ever happen again” grin. But of course, it happens again. And again. And again.
Yes folks, that’s one of my favorite little examples of DAS. I’m sure you can think of more.
PMS Isn’t a Problem, It’s a Privilege
Not all women get bitchy when they have PMS. Some are just hypersensitive emotionally (*raises hand*). Others are simply miserable because they’re in pain — hey men, how often do you feel like internal organs are trying to escape your body? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Until you’ve felt what your woman is feeling, shut the hell up about her having PMS. She might be one of those unlucky ones with extreme cramps, and if they’re not hitting her yet she knows they’re coming. You’ve been warned. I take no responsibility if she decides to relieve you of your manhood for opening your mouth at the wrong time.
When women go through these emotional and / or physical changes, we don’t have the luxury of knowing we can change how we feel on a whim like you lucky little bastards can. So if we’re a bit out of sorts for a few days, deal with it! We’ve earned it solely for putting up with you all month!
And on that note, I think it’s time for a Midol and a nap.
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hey JM! haha some of these comments are ridiculously funny. i have to say, there shouldve been a disclaimer--
WARNING! ARTICLE NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, IT IS MERELY SATIRE.
i really liked the article! it was very funny and people need to calm down a bit. this is just a mockery of the douchebag guy who makes fun of a girl who has serious PMS. idk, it happens in my high school all the time!
Well lets talk about Daily Asshole syndrom. At least you can count on it. If a man is a daily asshole then he was that same asshole the first week you met him. If a man is in a bad mood, the couple can work it out. Simply identy the problem, and solve it. We men get the short straw, you meet a wonderful women that you want around all the time. Then all of a someone, the other one comes out and you stop saving for the ring.
Women however, get a get out of jail free card a couple of days a month, where they can behave completely irrational, and yet still think their behavior is socially acceptable. The problem is identified, PMS. And what is the solution? It seems to be to pretend that bitchy behavior is ok.
Lets crunch the #'s:
A couple met when she was 25 and conservatively assume her PMS is really only a problem for two days a month, (your welcome ladies). Menopause usually pops up in a women's mid-late 40s. That makes between 480-600 days of bad pms.
What does this mean?
Fellas: It means you are sentenced to a year and a half of bitch. And that every month forward just lost one of it's precious few weekends.
Ladies: It means when you ask; "When are we gonna get married?" He is thinking about the time he just did.
In short, a dependable asshole (DAS) is a lot easier to build a future on then a periodic, uncontrollable, irrational, short-tempered, weekend-ruining, women's PMS.
One of my favorites* Guys try this one.
When she snaps at you for doing the same asshole crap she feel in love with you for.
Play it cool. Wait a couple hours. Write a little love note that says "I love you so much sweetheart".
Then when she walks into the room, ask her to do something for you (as trivial task as possible).
I like to use, feed the dog.
When she gives you that snappy look, promptly accuse her of not loving you, and storm out of the room, and leave the note where she'll find it.
You deal with it.
Men do get daily PMS, for reals.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-317460/Do-men-PMS.html
Grr. I hit the submit button too soon. Apparently it has even been given a name! A more recent article on it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gregory-jantz-phd/irritable-male-syndrome-i_b_1202904.html
So yeah. The only disclaimer you need is "This isn't as much of a joke as I thought!"
Men and women live in two completely different worlds, one that a member of the opposite sex can never and will never understand. Which is why we all think the other is stupid. the truth is men are social retards. We don't think everything is that big of a deal and we don't understand why everything seems to be with women. On the other hand, women seem to have trouble wrapping their heads around mechanical concepts (mechanical does not necessarily mean engines by the way) which is why most women have trouble parallel parking for example. They don't see angles and physics the way we do. Which is why women generally do better in school. Textbooks explain cause and effect but don't do a very good job of explaining why the effect was caused. Men need to know all the "Hows" to understand (whoever invented hands on learning is a genius), and there just aren't enough hows to understand everything, like women for example. So I think we all need to shut the hell up. arguments and insults aren't going to magically make a male produce enough estrogen to understand nor the other way around. So we need to play our roles as intended and keep the grey areas grey. Not everything is black and white.
Shut the hell up? Now that's how to get you ideas across! You think that because you don't feel well you get to act any way you want? Every one has days the feel like crap and don't take it out on every one else. Dry up man hater!
Gee, you must know some real douche bags. Maybe its the user not the system?