Check out the 5 Most Insane Products for Women

Check out the 5 Most Insane Products for Women

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When it comes to shopping, being a woman is fantastic. It’s not that we just want to spend money. In fact, we can easily go out and spend less money than our male counterparts. It’s the thrill of the hunt that gets us every time.

Beyond hunting for that perfect deal, companies know that every now and then women just want an excuse to spoil themselves. There are more bath, beauty, and other “girly” products out there than we could ever possibly try — and believe me, we’d love to try an awful lot of them! But every once in a while I stumble across a product designed for women that leaves me scratching my head and thinking “they can’t be serious, can they?”

Here are five of the absolute craziest products for women I’ve ever seen advertised. Have you ever used one of them?

1. GoGirl

Go ahead ladies, admit it. For years you’ve secretly been jealous of a man’s ability to urinate standing up. Go ahead. Say it. I promise I won’t tell.

You can finally drop the penis envy thanks to GoGirl — a portable funnel-like product that serves as a makeshift shaft to let you pee standing up. Yes. You heard that right. You are now officially eligible to enter all the pissing contests you please. Watch out boys!

But seriously, why would any company assume this product was a good idea? What kind of freakish focus group told them this would be the next big thing in women’s hygiene products? I have to imagine they were kidding, and the joke went over someone’s head.

For a moment (and just a moment!) I even thought “well, maybe” when I saw it mentioned on Go-Girl.com that the GoGirl could be ideal for women who like to go camping. It almost sounds plausible, no? Then common sense came wandering back from the woods and it said “you must be friggin’ nuts if you think I’m going to clean this thing around other human beings on a camping trip!” After all, that would be more humiliating than squatting to piss in the surrounding brush while everyone gathered around cheering you on.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but the GoGirl seems like a mess waiting to happen. And really, who wants to be bothered with washing their phallus-like funnel every time they want to take a quick leak? More power to you if you have the time or ambition to be bothered, but it’s just not for me thanks!

Credit: Go-Girl.com

Credit: Go-Girl.com

Credit: Go-Girl.com

Credit: Go-Girl.com

Credit: Go-Girl.com

Credit: Go-Girl.com

2. Mooncup Menstrual Cup

I can’t remember exactly where I first came across menstrual cups like the Mooncup other than remembering that it was in a magazine. Just the thought makes me cringe. I mean really — I have a disgusting wave of “eww” come over me when I think about the Mooncup.

What is it? Basically it’s a substitute for pads and tampons during your menstrual cycle. Rather than using disposable products during your period, you can now shove a little cup-like product up inside of you to collect the blood and tissue. Then you get to remove it and clean it all up. Yay.

Look. I’m all for giving Mother Nature a hand with environmentally-friendly products — just not when it comes to my more “delicate” areas it seems. The beauty of a tampon is that you use it, it does its job discreetly, and then you make it go “poof” when you’re done with it. Who in their right bloody mind (pun intended) wants to be bothered with washing out a disgusting tissue-filled cup when they’re already feeling like crap during their period anyway? Not me. And come on. The cup really does look kind of scary! I envision poking.

Credit: Mooncup.co.uk

Credit: Mooncup.co.uk

3. Tinge Razor

Let’s take a look at one more incredibly strange product for women, designed to be used “down there.” This innocent-looking razor is anything but (okay, it is really a razor, but it doubles as a vibrator). It’s exactly what I’ve always wanted — a way to masturbate with blades! How about you?

When I first came across the Tinge razor / vibrator, I was flat out confused. Could a woman really have come up with this idea? I almost felt like the creator had betrayed her sex… had betrayed me! But then I found out the Tinge was developed by a guy. Ah, that makes more sense.

Don’t get me wrong. I completely admire the fact that a young guy out there truly cared enough about getting women off to try to create a product to help (or was it just because men are too lazy or incompetent to do it, so they’d rather we deal with it ourselves?). But at the same time I almost have to wonder if this product stemmed from a true desire to be helpful or from deep-seated mommy issues meaning there was a subconscious desire to see blades all up in our personal business (and to be serious for a moment, I’m not actually accusing the guy of having ill intentions — I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt).

But look ladies — safety features and all, this just isn’t something to take chances with. First, get yourself a decent vibrator if you want one — one designed solely for that purpose. Second, if you’re that concerned about being discreet, either buy a little purse-sized model (you can get them to look like lip stick containers for goodness sake — it’s not that hard!). Or here’s a thought. Just leave the toys for the privacy of your own home where they can be safely stashed away when not in use, and you’ll never have to worry about what they’re masquerading as. I can’t imagine you’ll have an easier time explaining to the kiddies who walk in on you what you’re doing with an upside-down razor down there than if you were caught using a more traditional vibrator anyway.

Credit: MyTinge.com

Credit: MyTinge.com

4. LATISSE®

What woman wouldn’t love longer, thicker eyelashes? After all, we’ll spend a small fortune on constantly buying mascara or even fake lashes for special occasions. So why not use a new prescription-only product like LATISSE to grow better lashes of our own, no makeup needed?

I first came across the product through a commercial airing on Hulu.com (sidenote: great site if you’re in the U.S. and want to catch up on a show you missed). On the surface it really didn’t sound like that bad of an idea. Brooke Shields was the spokesperson, and she wouldn’t lead us wrong, right?

Then I noticed something. Shields’ eyes looked oddly strained and watery in the ad. They didn’t have a bright, beautiful look to them — what we go for when we use makeup to perk up our lashes. That made me second-guess the product. Why on earth would we want to use something that’s supposed to make our eyes look prettier only to have them look watery and / or bloodshot? Isn’t that counter-intuitive. But I stopped myself. “Maybe she just has allergies or something,” I thought.

Then we got to the part of the ad where they start reading off potential side effects. (And let’s face it, that’s the best part of any prescription product’s advertising!) LATISSE apparently “may cause eyelid skin darkening which may be reversible, and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent…. The most common side effects after using LATISSE solution are an itching sensation in the eyes and/or eye redness.” Ah, so maybe it wasn’t allergies after all.

Look. LATISSE is designed to treat a condition called eyelash hypotrichosis — not having enough eyelashes. But that’s not how the ad I saw came across. While, yes, it’s clear that it’s a prescription product and that you’ll need to see a medical provider first, it seemed to be more or less marketed as a beauty product for women in general. That concerns me. It concerns me a lot.

In the end, I’ll stick to mascara. The application procedure isn’t that different anyway, and at least if my mascara screws around with my eyes, I can just switch brands — no high costs, doctor’s appointments, or other hassles necessary.

Credit: Latisse.com

Credit: Latisse.com

Face Slimming Mask

Leave it to the Japanese to put the emphasis on getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller, no matter what we have to do to get there. This face slimming mask is a somewhat eerie example of what we do as women to try to impress men. (Why do we endure one torture device after another for people who openly scratch themselves in public again anyway? I think I missed a memo somewhere!).

I’m not even sure where to start with this face slimming mask. Okay. Yes I am. How about being able to breathe? Is it just me or does this rubbery sac over your head scream “potential suffocation?” Sure, there are air holes, but it still looks pretty restrictive to me.

Now let’s be realistic. I’d hope no woman honestly believes that strapping on a mask will actually melt fat away. While the products for women above might be equally insane in this gal’s opinion, at least I have little doubt that they can actually do what they claim to be able to do. This face slimming mask on the other hand is nothing but a waste of money (and since I still can’t figure out what company released it or where you can actually buy it anyway, you won’t have to worry about that for now).

I guess it does have one redeeming quality though — Halloween is coming up!

Credit: Geekologie.com

Credit: Geekologie.com

Disclaimer: All images and other material used in this article are believed to be covered by fair use rights under U.S. copyright law, being used for the purpose of identification in the context of reviews or critiques.

77 COMMENTS

  1. I love my mooncup too (and don’t worry, I’m not affiliated with the company) as well as my washable sanitary pads in every colour of the rainbow of soft, squishy fabrics :D Never again shall I buy sweaty, sticky, paper and plastic disposable pads.

    I also have a product similar to the GoGirl (called a ShePee here) and while I wouldn’t rate it as highly as the mooncup, it has had its uses when “squatting against a tree” hasn’t been an option ;)

    I do hope you try a Mooncup sometime though, there’s nothing about our bodies that we should be ashamed about or grossed out by, and most women really are converted once they’ve given it a shot!

  2. I’d be fascinated to know if anyone that has USED a mooncup thinks thay are terrible and has gone back to the stale blood smell of sanitary products? :-) can you tell I adore mine too. Maybe people should remeber the old adage, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.

    I also think peeing standing up would be a great idea especially for festivals and may get a she-pee in the future.

  3. I also love my keeper (The same as a mooncup only made of rubber) It is so awesome to never have to run to the store because I’ve ran out tampons. I never have to have a supply of products filling up my purse. I don’t even have to bring my purse to the bathroom with me in public. I don’t have to fork over cash every month. I am able to monitor my flow and feel so much closer to my body. I also love that I am not filling up landfills with more unnecessary waste. I would never go back to tampons and pads. I feel this is one of the most liberating products available today- I plan on giving one to each of my nieces as they come of age.

  4. Product 1:
    As a GUY who has used co-ed bathrooms i would rather a girl use one of these moonpies (for one YOU WONT FORGET IT ONTOP OF THE TOILET which is always a pleasant sight)
    Product 2:
    Sorry ladies when i’m drunk i pee on tiolet seats, not my fault my motor functions are impared and during festivals or camping im not going to clean it up so this would be an awesome investment if you attend events with public peeing
    Products 3,4&5:
    kind of scarry especially 5 if i had a GF who wore this to bed i would probably accidentally kill her by because i am really afraid of hannibal lecter.
    cheers

  5. Oh, my gosh. So the author doesn’t like mooncups. Big friggen deal. Why are you all spazzing out about it?

    I’m glad y’all like your mooncups and want to marry them, but it’s just ONE article. Why do you care so much? The mooncup IS insane. All inventions to plug up your cooter during menstruation are insane. However, it can still work while being insane. I’m sure that vibrator will get some women off, so it does its job, but it’s still insane.

    The author is allowed to not like them, and all of you people maniacally defending it just look way over the top. I’m stoked they work for you, but that doesn’t mean they’ll work for everyone. And I fail to see how a cup will magically make your period shorter and lighter. I am considering using a mooncup, but all the rabid hippies on here are totally putting me off. Maybe using one turns you into an unreasonable harpy who can’t take a differing opinion.

    Redsheep, she never made rude remarks about people who choose to use a mooncup. It’s just not her type of thing. I don’t get why you all feel the need to turn one little opinion article into a massive spasm.

  6. LOL @ “A guy who loves women” ‘s comments about Hannibal Lecter – you are so right!!

    Louisa, take a chill pill honey – the author has never tried a Mooncup and she’s bagging it out which is potentially off-putting for someone who hasn’t tried it but is curious. It’s important that people leave positive feedback about the Mooncup so they aren’t frightened off by the opinions of someone who hasn’t even given the Mooncup a chance. My menses are so heavy that I can’t use tampons so the Mooncup sounds ideal, I’m going to try it!

    To the author, what’s so wrong with your menstrual fluids that you couldn’t use a Mooncup? I’m sure you get messy fingers if you use tampons anyway. It’s time women became more comfortable with their bodies instead of freaking out or feeling embarrassed.

  7. I’m, yes, another Mooncup user (sigh). Started using it a couple of months ago and am impressed so far. Beyond the health benefits associated with it, I just wanted to comment on the environmental issues it raises.

    Your comment that tampons ‘go “poof” when you’re done with it’ is not that well considered…

    Yes, the cups require a certain amount of resources and energy (and there’s not a limitless supply of silicon in the world), but just think about the resources that go into producing, transporting and disposing of the tampons and pads that are used every month.

    Then there’s the chemicals used in that processing and disposal that leach into the environment too, not to mention the waste pollution the tampons and pads contribute to.

    The environmental challenges that the world faces are very real and need tackling. I’m not daft enough to pretend or suggest that a Mooncup will solve this, but we all have to make changes – even little ones.

    Glad to see your post has generated so many comments (what every blogger wants!). Bar the GoGirl (which I’ve never used but can maybe see the appeal of using rather than get your bum out in the freezing cold whilst hiking) and the Mooncup, the other items all indulge vanity to some extent and, while maybe not insane, do seem pretty pointless.

  8. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the Moon Cup or the Go-Girl. I’ve never used the Moon Cup but I am seriously considering getting one. I have used my Go-Girl and it’s very convenient when traveling in developing countries where restrooms leave a lot to be desired… I’ve also heard they come in handy for people with knee injuries who can’t sit and stand very easily. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I don’t think that the author thoroughly considered all of the possible uses for this product. Finally, pee is really not all that dirty… you can just dab the go-girl dry and re-pack it in its handy tube. It can be sterilized in boiling water if you wish, or you can hand wash with soap and water once you get home.

  9. Most inventions start out as “ridiculous” looking. Men flying…how silly, someone talking though a wire ….can that be any sillier and how about watching some pictures over a box ….hmmmmmm…all silly ideas that work and are terrific.
    Bandaids…would they not “cause” infection! How wrong we were.
    Bags that expand onto our bodies to protect us in our motor vehicles….good grief! Watches we could talk into (Dick Tracy style)….another stupid invention.
    Flying to the moon!!!!!!!!!!!
    Come on give the inventions time to morph into the useful products they may become. We never know how the silly sounding moon cup may be the best ever! And the lash “grower” may find it’s way around it’s problems.

  10. This woman is a prime example of the utter moronicness of modern day amerikans… She’ll be amongst the first to go when the shit truly hits the fan, but at least she’ll be freed from her apparent horror at being born the proprietress of one of the finest creations of eons of evolution – the female human reproductive/waste disposal/pleasure system, colloquially known as the pussy, and surrounding/supporting organs.

    But the larger point – as evidenced by the moon cup furor – is that us amerikans, born in this particularly charmed time and place – are poised at the precipice of the apocalypse, at least in terms of our spoiled, massively wealthy, ‘entitled to anything and everything, consequences (for the earth and our fellow human creatures that we share this fine but fragile little sphere with) be damned’ attitudes. The fact is that we’re so rich and so stupid that we become more helpless with each succeeding generation. This can only end in one place: mass poverty, starvation, and death. As mentioned above, the ‘I hate the moon cups’ of the (western) world will be amongst the first to go. I for one, as a truly resourceful and creative human, able, despite my (relatively) massive wealth in relation to the majority of this little planet’s sentient inhabitants, sort of can’t wait…

  11. Hi! Recently linked here from huffpost article. Just wanted to chime in that I, too, LOVE my menstrual cup. I only say LOVE because it can really change your life to get over the phobia of your vagina that society loves to indoctrinate us with. Sounds like the author may have a bit of this, and I wanted to encourage any other ladies out there to give it a try before swearing off a product like this. The only one I’ve tried is The Keeper, and I never looked back. Liberating not to be dependent on disposables.

  12. This is kind of a disappointing list, and is only amusing because the author is squeamish and narrow minded, imo (on top of perpetuating stereotypes – eww, menstruation!). No thanks….

  13. guy who claims to love women: Grow up. Lift the seat or cop a squat. Women shouldn’t have to deal with your inability to be considerate (they do, but they shouldn’t have to).

  14. Here in Japan, an actual compliment is “You have a small face”. I remember when someone first said that to me I was wondering what in the world they were talking about, but when I kept hearing it I asked about it and learned it was a compliment. Having a big face in Japan is not necessarily considered a good thing a people often comment on it.

  15. meow meow meow i like mooncups
    i use she pee because it makes me feel manly. gets the masculine side out of me.
    i use the face slimming mask all the time… what chu talkin bout? its quite comfortable and all my disgusting flabby fat on my face has melted away.
    why you dissin dese products mayne?
    they are quite awesome and not insane at all.
    and i like vibrators that also shave my pussy. saves money! why not?
    okay i have to admit latisse is a little insane though. theres barely a difference in twelve weeks! i just pile on da mascura. nbd.

  16. “Who in their right bloody mind (pun intended) wants to be bothered with washing out a disgusting tissue-filled cup when they’re already feeling like crap during their period anyway? Not me.”

    One of the great things about mooncup is that most of the time you don’t even remember that you’re having your period. Emptying and rinsing the cup twice a day is not such a trouble, and for the rest of the time you can forget the whole issue; do sports, go swimming etc. without worrying for leaks or smell.

    For me it sounds much more scary than any mooncups that someone is so unfamiliar or uncomfortable with her own body, that being in any contact with the fluids coming out of it feels impossible.

  17. Again, I love my menstrual cup, the Lunette, and I just don’t understand why the author of this article is so against cups if she never tried it hereself.
    P.S. It is simply a shame because you are too quick to judge. I am sorry for you that you are so deeply influenced by cultural taboos that tell us that dealing with our periods is a dirty thing and should be soo “discreete”.

  18. Until I kissed my childbearing years goodbye, I used the Keeper (made of brown rubber) menstrual cup. Actually, I came to it rather late, b/c I was one of those women who bled profusely in the couple of years approaching real menopause. Tampons couldn’t be super enough to protect me, and even the biggest pads weren’t 100% “spillproof.” The cup worked great. I wish I’d started using it decades earlier.

    As has been pointed out in other posts, tampons don’t go “poof” when you’re done using them. Out of sight is *not* out of mind! They go into landfills or waste treatment plants. Their manufacture, like that of pads, too, adds to water and air pollution. The wash-your-own pads are nice, and I used those for a while, but really, they’re way messier to deal with and also have a negative impact on the environment because they have to be laundered, which for most American women means running a washing machine through a disinfecting hot cycle, perhaps with Clorox or some other chemical to help get the bloodstains out. Long story short, ladies and germs, not all things that sound stupid are. Sarah Palin falls into that category, but menstrual cups don’t.

    I also love stand-up pee cups. I learned of them too late to enjoy them at festivals, but when I became incapacitated with sciatica two years ago and found it horribly painful and difficult to sit down on my toilet at home, I got one and used it for the 3 months or so it took me to recover. I imagine it’s a standard item in nursing homes and other places where women who aren’t actually bed-ridden have the same kind of trouble. If not, it should be. I often take mine with me when I’m on the road, b/c you never know what conditions you’ll discover in public rest rooms. I prefer to have an alternative to sitting on other people’s ****.

  19. The funny thing about mascara is that it does and will cause brown pigmentation (little spots or flecks) on the white of your eyes! If i got brown pigmentation on the brown part of my eye, i’d not mind as much as it being in the white of my eye. :/ But whatever. I still use mascara faithfully.

  20. I’ll never understand why so many of these “helpful” articles are written by man-haters and/or women who are ashamed of their own body and it’s functions.

    Next we’ll have marital aids written by single guys. And the Joys of Sex written by a woman who prefers cuddling to sex. On second thought…. never mind. That’s already been done.

  21. You know what’s funny, is that I live in a state that’s very environmentally-minded. And guess what? We all use tampons/pads! Even the hippies and feminists!

    Oh, and I’m comfortable with my body. Things like that don’t like to stay put in me. Give me a tampon over fidgeting and worrying if the damn thing is going to make an inconvenient mess. And some stupid little cup up my vag isn’t going to relieve my menstrual pain–hormonal imbalances and possible cysts over-ride stupid subliminal BS. You obsessive freaks can keep your cooch-cups, and I’ll keep my tampons, pantyliners, painkillers, and muscle relaxers.

  22. While the mooncup doesn’t do anything for me in the way of less pain (not that I was expecting that), it’s neither freaky nor inconvenient. You get the hang of it quickly, and once you do it’s not fidgety or messy at all. Just wear pads until you’re certain you’ve figured it out if you’re worried about a mess.

    My main reason for switching to the cup was cheapness, actually. I already have to shell out for painkillers, now I save on tampons. And I don’t have to worry about forgetting them at home. I find the cup more convenient, not less.

    And as someone who likes to get off before going to sleep: I like the fact that the cup doesn’t dry the vagina up like tampons do.

  23. WOW, looks like the company that creates moon cups really cares about what women think about their weird and gross product. Especially if women hate it and decide to write an article about it. This company will come and bombard the author. GOO MOONCUPS. they are still nasty and gross, most desease are blood born. The faster its absorbed the better. If you let it sit, it could cause issues.. just saying

  24. The Go Girl is actually quite productive. It’s great if you are a girl who goes 4 wheeling or snowmobiling. I forone can tell you what a pain it is to take your snowmobile suit, jeans all the way down just to squat… A go girl definitly is helpful in the winter. Also, who wants to take their snowmobile suit off when you have about 30 other sledders and you are on the side of a highway. Really sucks. So… Go girl does work great.

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