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Worst Home Shopping Network Products

by Yo Prinzel

I watch the Home Shopping Network. A lot. I don’t buy anything, but I do sometimes see cool things that I would like to have. Most of what I see on HSN, however, is crap. Wait, no… not just crap but colossal crap. HSN is home to easy-to-sell, mass-market appeal products–or so they say. Most of the time when I stare at the station I’m left wondering if these products are really what the mass-market wants.

With that being said, some products truly are worse than others. I’ve rounded up the four absolute worst product lines for you. Naturally, this is just my opinion which you will enjoy if you agree with it. If you don’t agree with it… well, get out your Esteban guitar, put on your Quacker Factory shirt and Princess Amanda oversized cuff bracelet, and stare at your Sorelle collectibles while cursing my name.

OMG WTF?

Esteban’s Guitars: Okay, first of all, only on HSN can a guy with really long, dirty fingernails and a camel toe actually move product. What does that have to do with his guitars? Um… well… okay, nothing but still… it’s weird. So what to say about his guitars… ugh. With crappy names like Crystal Rose, Starlight, and Amber Ice and paint jobs that include flowers, sparkles and general ugliness, Esteban’s guitars defy cool. They are straight from the vortex that stole cool away from a rockin’ instrument. The people who buy his guitars all seem really happy with the quality of the guitar and the accompanying instructional tools, so maybe being viewed as a douchbag with a crappy guitar would be worth it.

 

No one wants to see you wearing this.

Quacker Factory Clothing: Okay, I’m cheating a little here because the Quacker Factory products are actually on QVC, but my hatred for them is so very strong that I am going to eschew rules and titles and things and include them on this list. Aimed at the larger body types, these horrific clothes from the Quacker Factory studio are juvenile–not whimsical. They are tacky and… well… terrible. Many of them have outdoor and other scenes on them, which is so wrong because there is never an appropriate time or place to wear clothing that has a “scene” on it. They are ill-fitting, unflattering and not stylish. There are so many more attractive clothing options for ladies of all sizes that I just can’t understand the appeal of Quacker Factory clothes.

 

The Princess Amanda Jewelry Collection: Jewelry is one product that has the luxury of being big or small and still looking good… if it has a good design. The Princess Amanda Jewelry Collection on HSN is devoid of any attractive qualities–unless “big” is an attractive quality. It’s not that there is a design flaw in the jewelry; instead, this jewelry line is suffering from having no design at all. Just a bunch of big, gaudy stones stuck onto some sort of base. It’s like they created a “bigger is better” competition, and Princess Amanda won but sacrificed good taste along the way. Some of the jewelry is modeled after animals but the line manages to remove any natural charm that animals can bring by crusting their bodies up with crappy stones.

Just what everyone needs, poorly painted Victorian children.

Sorelle Collectibles: If you are trying to model your home décor around the style of a Russian Czar or Victorian Queen, then Sorelle Collectibles is the line for you. Their boring and tacky line of crap… er… I mean “Antiques of tomorrow” home décor consists of overworked and oversimplified odds and ends that no one needs. I don’t know what it is about HSN designers who think that if you just make something look ostentatious it means it’s divine. Their ceramic figurines are poorly painted, their ceramic boxes shaped like telephones are gaudy and impractical and their crystal figurines are clumsy and style-less at best.

Alright, it’s your turn. What are some of the worst HSN products you’ve seen?

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10 comments

Deb Ovitt January 17, 2010 - 3:31 pm

I agree,that most of the products are kinda like last minute”please buy me “stuff that are in a slow cashier’s isle at a department store. Sometimes Chloe {a Project Runway winner} will have a piece on to sell and you wonder if its the same designer who created it!How ever every now and then they do have an item or two I wouldn’t mind having.And the sales people are so enthusiastic,they could sell you a bag of dung with a smile on their faces! I do think the rose painted guitar is pretty.

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Jen January 17, 2010 - 5:50 pm

My mom buys this kind of crap all the time. Really, mom….where do you think it’s going to go when you die? Not to my house!

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Frank January 17, 2010 - 10:41 pm

Thank you! Sing it! And here I thought it was just me. The guitars are not my biggest target (I play guitar) but truly, the “Esteban” experience is… creepy. In fact, HSN and the home shppong networks in general are more entertainment than a place to go to buy anything. Sometimes it’s like a NASCAR race and you’re waiting to see a wreck.

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Yolander January 18, 2010 - 1:32 pm

@Deb, I had not noticed the Chloe line–I’ll pay closer attention because that sounds cool!

@Jen, I’m lucky, no one in my family buys that stuff so I’m free 🙂

@Frank I don’t think you have to wait as long to see a wreck on HSN as you do in a race 🙂

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KT May 30, 2010 - 9:39 pm

What? A cable shopping network sells crap? This is shocking news.

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ricky October 7, 2010 - 6:24 am

I have 4 Esteban’s guitars and they are wonderful instruments.

[Editor’s note: Personal insults removed — while you are welcome to disagree, you are not welcome to personally insult any writer or reader here at DirJournal.com. That includes making false statements about individuals. Doing so in the future may result in a ban on commenting.]

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Gemma April 9, 2011 - 3:33 pm

I am a sucker for Tahitian pearls! Can someone please let me know if the Tahitians they sell on HSN are crap? I did have one gemololgist tell me the Golden South Seas pearls they sell on HSN are dyed! Shame on them! But there is a girl who sells her Black Tahitians directly from Tahiti?

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Yvonne July 1, 2012 - 11:08 pm

I also purchased 4 of his guitars and they are all so beautiful. Just a natural wood color, or black. I didnt have one single problem with them. 10 CD’s included of his masterful teaching! Cant ask for better.
I have to admit, those roses and rhinestones were not my favor. That was my bigest drawback to buy anymore.
So, who ever didnt like Esteban, or his guitars, I hope you guys are happy to know, he is not on the HSN anymore! And hope you’re happy, for slaming such a gifted and good hearted person, with all of the trash talk. To Yolander: maybe you SHOULD buy one of his guitars and try it, or anything on HSN, instead of just watching. You just might like it :))

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Michael May 23, 2013 - 12:25 am

I loved your diction and got a kick out of this read, thank you!!

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Shiloh February 28, 2014 - 1:11 am

There is a lot to sift through in home shopping but some of the brands are unique with unique products that honestly are not in the retail stores. That being said, my husband and I play guitar and have many acoustic and electric guitars and purchased one of Esteban’s guitars to kick around with when I need to grab it and go. It wasn’t expensive and people who heard me play it liked it a lot. The price was excellent. I don’t regret my purchase and my guitar says Rock On….overall it’s decent quality, a little flashy wit the rhinestones but nice looking in black and totally worth the price I paid. I never used the instruction. I think a good guitarist can make any almost any guitar sound good. I really like Esteban’s story and his presentation on HSN was great. I have also purchased Princess Amanda’s rings. The quality is fantastic and when I’ve worn them, they are hand grabbers….many women who love fashion love Princess Amanda’s jewelry. I love Princess Amanda’s personality and artistry – I am looking forward to much more fashion jewelry for we women who love her designs and all the success it brings her so she can continue her beautiful jewelry line.

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