As much as we resent them in grade school, high school and college, quizzes seem unavoidable and irresistible when found in an online format these days. With titles worthy of The National Enquirer and questions that would make your momma blush, these little nuggets of content are supposed to give you an insight into your character, personality, intelligence and life—but how accurate are any of them, really? After all, the broad personality traits that are reflected within the quiz questions can describe any one of us at different times of our lives, days or even menstrual cycles. The quizzes leave no room for personality quirks or nuances and need a broad brush with which to paint participants.
If you aren’t familiar with these inane time sucks, here is a sampling of some of the worst. The following quiz titles have been found on Facebook and other popular Web haunts of angsty pre-teens and are extremely popular… or so I’ve heard…
1. Who Were You in a Past Life? What are the chances that you have even lived another life? And if you did, do you really think you are exhibiting traits of that former person now? Also, when you take this quiz, how come you always end up as some dead famous person? I mean, are they the only people who are reincarnated? Why not Salvus the 1930’s newspaper delivery boy who died at age 13 from the chicken pox? How come he didn’t get reincarnated?
2. What Movie Star are You? Guess what? You aren’t. No, you are not a movie star at all. You may be fanatic about how your toilet paper roll hangs, but you are not Jennifer Aniston. You may love to drink and party, but you are not Lindsey Lohan. In fact, not only are you not a famous doppelganger but you are also not a movie star if you haven’t been in a movie. And no, YouTube movies do not count.
3. Are You in Love? I know, sometimes life love and relationships are hard. Sometimes, your heart feels something that your head may not agree with or your head tells you that you should feel something that your heart is simply not interested in. But if you need a quiz to tell you whether or not you are in love with someone then guess what? You are not in love with anyone. No matter how personally conflicted you may be, a pre-formulated quiz simply cannot tell you how your emotions feel.
4. How Crazy are You? Look, if you really think that you are crazy then you need professional psychological help that a spelling mistake filled online quiz is simply not qualified to give you. If you aren’t actually looking for a diagnosis in the quiz then you just want a label to put on all the stupid decisions you’ve made in life, which is probably not something that you should be proud of or excited by.
So the next time some online quiz offers to tell you whether you are a Gryffindor or a Slytherin, whether you are trendy or trite or what kind of flower you are—spend your time doing something more useful instead… like trimming your eyelashes. At least you’ll actually get something out of that.